Virgin's Lullaby
by Desidera
Summary: Yugi’s hormones are going crazy when on the one hand he wants to have sex but on the other he doesn’t. Song-One-Shot, YugiYugi's friends and fantasies


_Disclaimer_:

I own an engagement ring. hehehe But no, I still don't own Yugioh and I won't get it for my wedding, neither for my birthday, neither for next Christmas. So let's just say it isn't mine. Neither is Rebekka Bakken's wonderful song "Virgin's Lullaby"

_Author's Notes:_

Hah, this is not something I write from experience, I've never been drunk, ever. I'm completely inexperienced at all of this. But I did as well as I could.

_It's sinfully late and I'm sinfully drunk_

_I've sinfully spoken a whole lot of junk_

_but I'm sinfully happy with things as they are_

_I haven't yet fallen asleep_

Two hours after midnight the house is so quiet you could hear a needle drop onto the carpeted floor. Excessively slowly I slide the door closed, wincing as it gives a clicking sound when the lock snaps into place. I must not wake Jiichan at this time of the night, I have to be as silent as possible. I guess I was in for a lecture if he ever found out I stayed out so long. Although he normally doesn't worry about me, since I'm always out with my Yami and he's protectively escorting me home every time before leaving with his lover.

I have to fight a grin as I step out of my shoes, stumbling a bit. Seems I've been drinking a little too much tonight. I blame Jounouchi for that, he was clearly luring me into drinking, telling me if I finally wanted to do it, I had to lose my inhibitions, and alcohol could do that best. I remember us laughing for a whole hour, conversing in meaningless sentences.

I lean against the wall with a soft moan. Damn, the world is spinning, and here I was thinking I was only a little tipsy. Better get into bed soon, before some serious damage can be done. I stumble upstairs, clutching the railing to keep my balance. I certainly felt better out there on the street, where there was fresh air and even ground to walk on.

Eventually I manage to get to the end of the staircase, tiptoe past Jiichan's room, and push open the door to my own. The bed looks so tempting but I have to get out of my clothes first. They're smelly and I have a strange taste in my mouth. Armed with my toothbrush I find myself in front of the mirror, grinning at my reflection.

Dark kohl around my eyes just ever so slightly smudged, I look enticing as the night. Not like the innocent 17 year-old I normally am, more like my Yami with that exotic air of darkness. I sigh and wash it off with a soft cloth. Then I give another smile. I look sweet again now, the guy next door, the young student. But somehow I like myself that way.

When I come back to the bedroom I tear my clothes off my body, throwing them in all directions onto the floor, not caring in the slightest where they land and finally sink down into the bed in my boxer shorts, feeling a bit refreshed and inexplicably content.

_And I didn't do it, I really did not_

_go off to lose the one thing I've got_

_the idea that I have, whatever that means_

_the chastity belt of a queen_

"_C'mon Yug, sooner or later it's gonna have to happen. You said you wanted so let go of yourself an...and get ya man."_

I have to smile at the memory of a drunken Jou trying to convince me to do it, in front of everyone else. Gods, it was so embarrassing! But technically it was my own fault, I did tell him I wanted to get laid after all. What? I'm seventeen! I might not look it but I am. And I finally want something to happen in my life. After the girls, Rebecca and Anzu realised I preferred men they stopped all their attempts to get me, and since that day my life has been boring and my sex life like an icy desert. Not that I ever had much of a sex life, before tonight the only thing I ever got were baby kisses from Anzu. Not that I blame her, but still.

But tonight. Tonight. I have to grin again at the memory of a different kind of kisses, of a new way of dancing, of discovering the hidden conversation that lies in a certain look, in a small wink, in a thrust of a hip. Oh, to me it's like the discovery of America might have been to Christopher Columbus – a wide land full of new possibilities, of new people, a land where even the sun seems to shine differently.

And yet, I stopped before it could happen. And I'm glad I did.

I think I didn't realise before how precious this is to me, I can't even name it….this, this innocence. Yes, it is precious to me, it is a treasure I want to keep, a treasure I only want to give away if I can be sure it is kept safely.

Yes, I want to feel it, want to feel someone touch me other than myself, want to lie back and let hands trace over my body, caress me until I can't think straight and heaven seems closer than earth, want to experience it all, fast, slow, hard and gentle.

But this was too soon, too fast.

No, when the point came where I had to decide I suddenly knew I couldn't do it, couldn't lose this idea I had of myself, couldn't give up that last thing that binds me to my childhood. My heart told me that I wanted to save myself for someone, for something.

I want to be a virgin a little longer.

_And that ain't easy_

_with all these men everywhere_

_and all the love in the air_

I close my eyes again, the memory of tonight's events sinking in. The way Bakura's hip felt against mine, the burning heat through the silver glittering fabric of his trousers as we danced, and then Malik joining us. The little fiend! I never knew he could dance like that. And I…and I could feel Bakura grow hard against me, watching him. Really hard. Oh gods.

And the way I was lying in Jounouchi's arms, sweaty from dancing and he was whispering into my ear that I was a hot little babe. All the time, on and off. I could feel every muscle of his stomach when I ran my hand over it, and I wanted to do it again and again, just for this feeling, because he has the greatest abs I've ever seen and I even notice that when I'm sober and we're in the dressing room of the school gym. Hmmm.

Oh, and watching the show Yami and Seto gave everyone was extremely hot too.

I mean…Yami is like a brother to me, and like a best friend. But he is more than that, and from time to time I find myself wishing….it could be him. Him to take me that crucial first time. Because I know him by heart, outside and in, because he knows me in the same way, because I know for sure he would never hurt me. But then I come back to my senses and I know it's wrong to think so. I love him as a brother, as my soulmate and nothing more. No, my first time is going to be with someone else.

Still, Yami and Seto tonight…You might think Yami has the most reasonable boyfriend one could ever get, but what a miscalculation! They start out like sane people but one song can change them completely, and suddenly they are different beings, no longer the emotionless businessman and my loving aibou, but devils or gods, or simply pure sex.

The way they dance is beyond anything I could have imagined. And it didn't help that they engaged in drinking contests whenever they weren't dancing.

They got everyone in that club sexually frustrated and needy when they were on the dancefloor, me included. Fuck, the way Yami threw his head back, his sweaty hair hanging down his delicate back, and biting his lip when Seto knelt down in front of him and….I mean, he kissed his groin, through the leather of his trousers of course, but right there in front of everyone! Damn it, the mere memory makes me shudder.

Oh, how tempting it was to just let go then and there, to let myself fall into one of my friends' beautiful arms and make it happen.

_I'm sure gonna know all the day after lows_

_with pains and ills and neurotic chills_

_but I'm perfectly safe, thank God I am home_

_Thank God I'll be waking alone_

I smirk at the memory of how drunk they were. It's a good thing Jiichan doesn't know about Yami's drinking contests with Seto or he would reconsider letting him walk me home. Fortunately there is always Seto's limo driver, who takes care of things and makes sure those two get home safely. Though I don't want to know what a hell of a headache they will have when they get up in the morning.

Not that I'll get away much better. I know hangovers but I'm not used to them, I usually don't drink that much. The few times it happened to me I tried to hide in my bed, shivering and sweating, my head hurting and my stomach turning. No, I don't react too well to alcohol, and I don't have a high tolerance. To be honest, I don't really know why people like it so much. I'm not fond of the after-effects, neither of the taste of most of them.

I can feel myself shudder when I think about what could have happened tonight, if I had really lost control, if I had let it happen. I am so glad now that I didn't allow it, that I stopped in time. Now that it's all over I know I did the right thing.

Although…I don't think I can stay sober for the rest of my life. I have to admit there is something about the atmosphere at that club….

_And that ain't easy_

_when there are so many men_

_and I love all of them_

It draws me with its heat, it's just as intoxicating as the alcohol. There is darkness and sin, there are your friends on the one hand, and complete strangers on the other and you know you can let yourself fall, because someone will be there to catch you, just like you can flirt with everyone, because half of them won't remember you in the morning anyway.

Flirting is an art, like singing or drawing or – in Yami's case – drinking. It is important not to offer too much, neither too less. It is very much about sensing how the other will react, or what kinds of tricks you can do to another's imagination. It is recognising the suggestions in a certain tone of voice, it is lowering your eyes at the right moment and teasingly evading an outstretched hand.

It is a game I like to play. Most people wouldn't believe I, Yugi Mouto, would ever say something like this, that I like playing with other men's minds, but I admit it, I do. I guess I am not as innocent as I claim to be.

More often than not though it is them playing with my mind. I watch them dance, those beautiful boys, handsome guys, attractive men, imagining what they would look like naked, above me, in my bed, and I feel a pleasant shiver running down my spine.

Oh, is it love I feel? Green eyes put a spell on me, some curly reddish mop makes me want to touch, supple lips, so very kissable. Do I like them for their good looks? Oh no, I swoon at softly whispered words, at an inconspicuously offered drink and a sweet smile. No matter if they are strangers or my best friends, no matter if I have known them for years or for seconds, my heart is pounding in my chest and I crave touches and kisses.

But how can I love them all at once?

_No that ain't easy_

_with all these men everywhere_

_and all the love in the air_

And how can I resist the temptation?

How can I resist when Ryou saunters over to me, like he did tonight, his skin gleaming golden in the dimmed lights, when he drags me out into the night, when he talks to me with that velvet voice of his, and when he starts tracing his fingers over my skin like he is looking for something.

It tickled a little when he did that, and I squirmed. Immediately he asked me if I was ticklish and pulled me back into his chest, hands wrapping around my middle and starting their journey. It was so incredibly gentle but it made my breath hitch and my stomach jump. But when his hands tried to reach my nipples I put my hands on top of his arms, stopping him. It was probably the first reasonable thing I did all evening.

He smiled and pulled away – and I wanted to pull him right back. How can I resist?

It was easier to say no to Honda as he offered me a drink but stumbled over his feet when he carried it to me and almost spilled it all over my shirt. I thought it was sweet of him, but he really has no clue at all how to seduce a guy. He should stay with the girls.

Well, as soon as Honda was gone…Mokuba appeared. His outfit was breathtaking. Black trousers I'm sure he inherited from his brother, sleeveless yellow shirt that goes so well with his black hair… Gods how he grew over those last months! He is taller than me now! He just stood there, staring at the sky, then saw me and waved me over to his side. And then he put an arm around me.

"Look at the stars, Yugi", he said, "Aren't they beautiful?"

Oh my god, I must be sick, thinking about a 12 year-old that way! I swear I had nothing like that in mind, he is just such a nice guy…. Ah, Seto would kill me anyway! No, I'd never do something like that…It's simply late now, and I'm drunk.

_Yes it's hopelessly late and I'm hopelessly gone_

_thank God I'll be waking..._

_thank God I'll be waking…_

I yawn. Yes…I should really go to sleep. All alone…but it's alright…There's no room in this bed…for all of them anyway.

And tomorrow….I'll wake up with a ….hangover but…..

_at least I'll be waking alone_


End file.
